fuck your aforementioned shoe
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
A+ Viking dick
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