Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
