i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
