What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
