Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
