Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
