the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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