I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I would ride that face into the sunset
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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