On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
