I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
