he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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