My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
