Nicole vs. Life
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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