Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
