I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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