Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
