do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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