You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
