Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
