i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
