the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
