I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
