Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Its about making memories worth repressing
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I just forgot I was standing up.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
