OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
