just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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