I wish I could punch you in the face.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
