According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
