Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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