yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
