She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
last night I used snow as a chaser
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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