Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
