we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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