plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
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