An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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