Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
