p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
