Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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