just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize