I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
