How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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