Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
there's paper in my vomit.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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