he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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