i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
