There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
