The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
