Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We left the knife in your bed.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
