that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
