all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
