just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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