Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
