A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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