my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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