Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
