We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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